Coping with the loss of my Twinny

Coping with the Loss of My Twinny

Losing someone you love is never easy, but when that person is your sister, it feels like you have lost a part of yourself. My Twinny, Lilly, and I were both given up by our biological mother at birth. I was raised by my father, while she was adopted by a family in the city. We didn't meet until late in our childhood, but when we did, the resemblance and similarities were uncanny. We looked alike, had many of the same likes, hobbies, good and bad habits, and even sounded alike.

Growing up, we both struggled with mental health issues that stemmed from our biological mother's abandonment. We also battled addiction and had a hard time sustaining romantic relationships. But despite our struggles, we both went on to become loving mothers. It seemed like we had overcome our past and were finally finding happiness.

However, fate had other plans for us. Lily's addiction was too strong to overcome, and she lost her battle in July 2021. Losing her has been one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I have been struggling with the loss greatly, and even years later, the grief can be unbearable at times. It feels like a part of me is missing, and I am left with an emptiness that cannot be filled.

In the midst of my grief, my dearest and most treasured friend Rob reminded me that I am not alone and that Lily is always with me. He showed me that there are signs from her if we look closely enough. For me, it was a white butterfly that would appear during the times when the grief was the hardest. It's almost as if she's sending me a message, telling me she's still here and watching over me.

There are so many moments when I wish I could just pick up the phone or write to her old social media account and share the trials and tribulations of life. I long to share the beautiful and happy times with her as well. But no matter how much I want to, it will never be the same. There will be no more Twinny poses or "who's who" look-alike shots. I will continue to grow older while she remains frozen in time, forever the beautiful white butterfly she sent me.

I find solace in knowing that she is still with me in some way. I believe that she is watching over me and guiding me through life's challenges. But that doesn't make the pain any less intense. It's hard to go on without her, and there are days where it feels like I am just going through the motions.

In an attempt to cope with the loss, I have tried writing to her old social media account or jotting down my thoughts in a journal. It helps to get my feelings out, but it will never be the same as having her physically here with me. It's a feeling of longing that will never fully go away.

As time goes on, the grief does become more manageable, but it never truly goes away. It hits me unexpectedly, sometimes while doing something as simple as grocery shopping or listening to a song that reminds me of her. The pain may numb slightly with each passing day, but it will always be there, a reminder of the bond we shared and the love we had for each other.

I am grateful for the years we had together and the memories we created. But I am also filled with regret for the moments we missed out on and the conversations we never got to have. I wish I could have done more for her and helped her overcome her struggles. But I also know that she fought as hard as she could, and now she is at peace.

Losing her has taught me the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing every moment with those we love. It has also shown me the strength and resilience of the human spirit. Despite our challenging past, we both found love and became mothers. Our bond  will always be a part of me, and I will forever hold her in my heart.

To those who have also lost a sibling or a loved one, I understand your pain, and my heart goes out to you. We may never fully heal from the loss, but we can find comfort in knowing that they will always be with us in spirit. We must cherish the memories we have and honor their legacy by living our lives to the fullest.

I know that my Twinny continues to watch over me, and I will keep looking for her signs, especially the white butterfly. She may be gone physically, but her presence will never truly leave me. I miss her every day, but I find comfort in knowing that she will forever be a part of me, my Twinny, my sister, my best friend.